Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
