The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
