"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
