He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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