Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
