Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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