remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
