Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
