It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
