We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
