Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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