Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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