I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
