What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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