I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
