turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
