dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
