I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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