I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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