Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
