Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
