Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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