Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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