My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
