Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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