Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
