shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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