I heard we made out
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think I sprained my soul last night
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
