My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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