; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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