Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
