I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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