He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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