OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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