I wannas sexs uuuuu
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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