i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
