i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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