so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
