the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
