That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
