Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
