Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
