Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
