I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Randomize
