That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
