im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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