I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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