I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
