Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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