your thong is hanging out like whoa
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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