I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
