No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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